It’s here, silently growing like a perpetuating mass within and bringing with it a sense of uncertainty and unfamiliarity. A fearful essence that encroaches on your thoughts and your very being, like a small child who finds themselves lost. You can imagine what I mean, maybe you’ve even experienced it for yourself…You’re travelling in unfamiliar territory, the bus is moving down a road you don’t recognise, then it turns into another road, and you don’t recognise that one either, you start to feel a knot growing in your stomach and you break out in a cold sweat, your hands are clammy and you begin to feel sick, your nerves are off at a tangent as you’re moving further and further into the unknown, you’re not the driver, someone else is, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re Lost! You’re alone, and so you get off the bus before it goes any further and you haven’t a clue where you are, where you’re going or how to get back to where you think you should be. Well that’s where I found myself this evening. Sounds really dramatic, I know, it felt that way. The good thing to come out of it is that I now know I have a block to break through and I know what triggered it. (I stopped myself placing a juicy adjective there to describe it, it’s having no more credence.) It’s got to be cleared. There I was busily working on my new project, I’d been so excited, I was acting on a new idea for a fabulous new programme and wham, confidence crash, ego steps in and gate-crashes the show and brings not just his words but his silent allies. Needless to say, work went on hold, but I am grateful, because although profound and unpleasant I can now get to work on that facet of my persona and hopefully turn it into one of my gems.
With Gratitude and Love
© Elaine W Shaw 2014