Just Thinking…

After reading one of the newsletters that I receive regularly I found myself thinking and reflecting – I’d woke about 6 this morning, and everyone was still sleeping, so after taking the time to view the beautiful, calm, blue sky through my living room window and feel thankful for all the opportunities that today may bring I made a coffee and then settled on the sofa instead of sitting at my old kitchen table. I sat and thought about how wonderful my life is, I loved the Victorian essence of my big old house always in need of my TLC and my beautiful, caring family always there and ready to pitch in, and all the special people in my life, and I remembered how I’ve received so much love and caring of late, and I felt even more grateful, but along with my gratitude came some thoughts of despondency and I quickly shuffled myself, quite physically as well as in my mind and as the thoughts welled forward.  I told myself that I am remaining positive, even though tomorrow is looming largely. We have a ‘day’ tomorrow and we know that strength and positivity will get us through, not just the one day but the days and maybe weeks beyond. It will undoubtedly be a trying time  (I may tell you about it all sometime, when it’s over, and my mind and my heart have settled) but for now I am remaining positive and going with the flow. I can’t change anything, I can’t change what has to be or the outcome, but I can hopefully cherish and nurture positive thoughts and speak positive statements that if nothing else help me and those around me. So with that in mind I decided to take advantage of the quiet time of the house and read some of the newsletters sitting in my inbox. They were always full of positivity and thought provoking themes and today was no exception. Cheryl Richardson shared her thoughts about endings, which at first I thought was the wrong choice for me that day, but I was hooked, her words had captured my thoughts. She was expressing her ideas about ageing and reflected on her younger life and how she wouldn’t like to revisit that time as she felt a certain ‘naivety’ about herself then, which got me thinking about myself and how there were certain parts, and times of my life that I too would never want to revisit, or experience again, like my twenties, where I simply felt entombed in my circumstances because I knew no better or how to release myself, but if I had to pick a time to revisit it would be my thirties. I loved my thirties. I think I began to find myself a little then. I liked myself. I felt free in both mind and spirit. I had hope in my life for the first time and it felt good. I sat and smiled as I thought about that time, I blossomed during those years although it wasn’t all roses, not at all, I divorced in my early thirties, and that was a traumatic two years, and some of the most unhappy times of my life occurred during that part of my life, but from that ending came new growth, a growth that I recognise now had begun way before, a shift in me that at the time I didn’t know was there. As I moved into womanhood I began to shed the shackles of my life in a spiritual sense long before they actually happened in reality, and the fear I faced and all the upheaval that I experienced was an inevitable factor to free myself and move forward in my life as a free spirit. So yes, I like to mull over my thirties and it holds a certain ‘romantic’ notion but in reality there were parts there too that are best left in the past, although they are still prevalent because they are facets of the ‘me’ that is here writing this today.

Till Next Time,

Elaine

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